Two weeks of pure fucking hell

For those of you who don’t know me, sorry for my language. I have the vocabulary of a well educated sailor. And yes, I plan to drop a few more F bombs below.

Moving on. Monday was a beautiful day. The Broncos won the Super Bowl, and that meant that Aaron was in a good mood. The kids were mostly functioning. And I felt rested and ready for the week.

Then, we went to Aaron’s VA Cardio appointment. It’s amazing! We finally found a cardiologist that WANTS to see him. Keep in mind, he just had open heart surgery a little over 12 weeks ago and his “civilian” cardiologist has refused to see him for the past 12 weeks. Yeah, it’s been fun. Just to give a little update, and this isn’t the point of the post, we have to travel down to Little Rock sometime soon for ANOTHER cath. Fun times.

Moving on. Tuesday wasn’t too bad. I honestly can’t remember Tuesday and that’s a good thing. That means it was a low stress day. :)

Moving on. Wednesday started off okay. I made it to the gym. Had a great cardio and chest + tricep day! That afternoon we had an appointment with K’s school to discuss her progress. Cutting to the chase, they want to test her for dyslexia. She’s just not making the progress that she needs too in reading and there are a few other things we see that are pointing to that. Instead of waiting until second grade, they want to test her now to get a jump on it. As crazy as it sounds, this did not trigger my two weeks of pure fucking hell. You would imagine something like this would be the cause of my melt down.

Nope. You know what kicked it off? A fucking trip to Target. Yep. A shopping trip to Target to get Valentine’s Day crap for school started my melt down. Welcome to my fucking world.

Over the past few years I had emotional issues. If you know me personally or have followed my social media for a while, you’d be blind if you couldn’t tell. We started noticing it in Germany. We just thought it was being in a new country that was causing my emotional issues. Then we moved to Texas, and I was determined to chill out a little bit.

Cutting to the chase, it wasn’t living in a new country that was causing it. Honestly, I was listening to the Bobby Bones show one day and it all fucking clicked. One of the hosts of the show, Amy, was talking about her shark week and PMDD and talked about her symptoms and it all made sense. Over the next few months, I started tracking my symptoms, and sure enough they fit the description of PMDD almost to a “T.”

Moving on. When we moved to Arkansas, I finally went to the doctor to bring this up and we are working on treating it and figuring out what works so I can function like a normal human being. I’ve got to much shit on my plate to not be able to adult properly.

So, what’s the point of this post? I don’t really know. lol HA! My symptoms are/were AWFUL this morning, and I guess I just needed to get this off of my chest. I barely made it through cardio at the gym. I came home to enjoy some breakfast and cried because we were out of milk. Like ugly cry. Like ugly crying so bad, that Chuck came to sit with me. I’d like to think he learned he needed to do this from Ringo. Ringo understood my meltdowns and when I needed someone there for me and he was there for me with no questions asked. He would just sit with me until I was done crying, make sure I was okay, and would go on with his day of basking in the sun. I miss him. He was my rock.

bernese mountain dog emotional support dog

Not for sure what PMDD is, google it. One day I might go over it in detail, but today is just not the day. Please be patient with me over the next two weeks while I enjoy this amazing roller coaster…Yes, that was sarcasm just in case you were wondering lol. <3

  • February 11, 2016 - 9:53 pm

    Susan - Oh dear friend, I am so sorry for everything that you are having to go through right now and please know that I think you are amazingly strong woman and are handling everything with a lot more strength that you are giving yourself credit for!! I can relate to the emotional roller coaster as I live in one everyday!! Reach out and talk to people about it. If they think you are just bitching or talk about it too much they are not true friends. I talk about my stuff daily and am known to ask friends if I am just being an emotional basket case in which most days they say yes but every now and then I am right!! IT feels good to be right 1% of the time!
    Reach out with your blog or your social media and get the support and kindness that I am pretty sure you will receive an abundance of when you do reach out!
    Matt is dyslexic and never knew about it. We were married for 5 years before I mentioned something and to this day he will not go get tested or treated so if you tell him numbers he has to write them down 1 at a time or else he messes them up every time. If she has a problem then yes right now is when you want to deal with it and yes it’s another burden that unfortunately you will have to take on but you will be so happy you did once you have the answers you need to give her the best opportunity to succeed and you can’t put a price on that. If you need help reach out!! I may not be able to come physically to where you are but I can FaceTime like a mad woman whenever needed!!
    A lot of people never know that I have a learning disability and I try to never let it get to a time where I have to reveal it not because I am ashamed but because I have learned how to control it and I was taught that by a therapist and I am glad for that!
    You are an amazing, beautiful, strong and determined woman and you can handle this!! I’m not saying it’s going to be easy or that you won’t make mistakes but it’s ok because in the end you will come out on top and get everything handled in the manner in which it needs to be handled and do it with grace (curse words and all!)
    You are loved and you have friends!! We are here so reach out anytime!!! :)ReplyCancel

    • February 14, 2016 - 7:45 am

      Kim Kravitz - Thanks girl for taking the time to leave this comment. It is so encouraging! I do have a hard time asking and reaching out for help lol HA! Baby steps. Baby steps. <3ReplyCancel

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